For those suffering from obsessions

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, with some General/Social Anxiety thrown in to complete the package.

My personal variety of OCD is known as ‘Pure Obsession’, as it comes without physical rituals, and consists of obsessional thoughts. Often they are disturbing images, impulses and ideas; the Pure O sufferer catastrophically misinterprets these as being ‘evil’ or as revealing something dreadful about their true self. Really, of course, almost everyone has bizarre intrusive thoughts from time to time, and they don’t assign them undue importance. However, I thought the ‘bad thoughts’ meant that I was an evil, terrible person; I thought I had done terrible things, and that my thoughts were evidence of how ‘evil’ I was. These false beliefs lead to thoughts becoming obsessional, and one ends up in a state of extreme anxiety.

For anyone suffering from similar thoughts, let me tell you these things.

The thoughts are normal and thoughts cannot be controlled; what we can control is our reactions to them. Everyone has ‘bad’ thoughts, urges, ideas that we cannot control; it’s part of being human and killing all disturbing thoughts means killing the rest of our minds as well. The price is too high! We should all respect our minds and ourselves, and accept the uncomfortable thoughts and impulses which are meaningless and common.

These thoughts often fall into one of three categories: sexual (fear of committing sexual violence, of being a paedophile, etc.), violent (fear of attacking another person, of wanting to hurt others, of being a psychopath, etc.), or blasphemy (religious people suffering from urge to curse God or other holy figures). All of them are normal, and none of them mean you are evil. Thoughts are not actions.

These days I’m on meds that lessen anxiety, but dont ‘cure’ anything. Last year I was fortunate enough to receive some talking treatment known as ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’. CBT enabled me to uncover and deflate my self-deprecating beliefs and cognitive biases. It helped me to think in a completely different way, and helped me in finding my voice again.

Suffering from an anxiety disorder can be a terrifying, isolating and agonising experience, but believe me when I say that you are not alone. If you are experiencing anxiety, I recommend Stuck in a Doorway. They are very friendly and they have heard it all. It is a very open board which allows people to discuss their symptoms and anxieties.

And of course, there’s always me. laurelinintherain@yahoo.co.uk