‘Prove it! Prove porn is harmful!’
This is a demand for proof, or rather for what the speaker considers to be proof, that I have seen on sex ‘positive’ and anti-feminist sites in the blogosphere. I always find myself imagining the blogger sitting on a throne, decreeing authoritatively to their subjects. I imagine them pointing out, singling out the dissenter, saying Prove thyself.
The pictures in the pornographic magazines lying all around, of the systematic dehumanisation of women, are not proof, according to the blogger. Photographic evidence of abuse is not proof. If you show them an image that even they have to concede is misogynistic, they tell you it is not run of the mill, it is exceptional, just as every rapist is a monster, every misfortune is just bad luck. A bad apple doesn’t ruin the crop, they say, despite the fact the crop is bitter to the taste. Or it is her choice. Notice how it is always her choice.
Prove it, they say. This is not proof.
Survivors are meant to take this opportunity gladly in both hands, seeking the chance to parade themselves before the demanding, disbelieving blogger. They should be happy about this, they should march up and present their case. Better have signed affidavits from your abusers. Better show how you fought. Better show proof. Prepare for cross-examination in the kangaroo court. The blogger insists that the survivor is to prove her case, she is to present herself for judgement, provide the paperwork, the cast-iron evidence for the veracity of her statements. She must not get angry with her questioners; she must visit the worst moments of her life for judgement. She must accept that they will attempt to tear her to pieces, intimidate her and then claim innocence of intent.
No matter that a survivor may have severe PTSD, and not be able to retrace her steps through hell to prove her virtue to the blogger. What weaklings you are, say the bullies contemptuously. Prove it. Afraid for your life, fearful of consequences in the everyday world in which we all live and breathe? You still better prove it.
A woman’s word has never been proof.
As the trial continues, the abusers flee into the background, unnoticed.
Dismissing victims’ words as “anecdotal” proves that women’s lives don’t matter.
Thinking about number of times pornography is currently being used all around the world right now to coerce women into sex they don’t want, or to even ‘groom’ very young girls into child abuse & prostitution, all this appalls me.
Pornography is hate propaganda against women. Even its pictures show all the bodily harms these (especially young) women recruited for porn are enduring. The “porn actress” doesn’t really want to be there; she just psychologically dissociates and “acts the part”. But the harm being done to her, being filmed and then being sold to millions of men to jerk off to, is beyond horrifying. She cannot survive if she doesn’t compartmentalize all this atrocious pain & degradation to a corner of her mind. She can say she’s “empowered” because her pimps have trained her to say that, not only directly, but also via the packaging of their porn culture as so-called “empowerment” for women. Aren’t we being brainwashed?
The victims and survivors of pornography are real. They are mostly women & girls. And they are suffering everyday while they are being silenced in the name of so-called “free speech” (for pimps & johns).
Men, who use porn, pressure/coerce their wives, girlfriends, etc into performing what’s in the porn. And then they accuse them of being “prudish” or “sexually unenlightened” if they (women) refuse to submit to or feel uncomfortable about the ugly male-supremacist sexuality of pornstitution.
Thanks for this post, Laurelin. Victim-blaming, cross-examination, dismissal of a survivor’s story as “anecdotal” etc and other woman-hating strategies are virulently pervasive throughout Western society. When will we blame or question the porn users & abusers of women?
Comment by Maggie — May 7, 2009 @ 7:52 pm
Prove it isn’t.
Comment by Polly Styrene — May 7, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
Oh we can’t hold men who believe porn is ‘empowering and free speech’ accountable for their actions because blaming the porners and their apologists is ‘man-hating’ is it not? But disbelieving women’s evidence and statements concerning the sexual violence male pornographers have inflicted on them is deemed annecdotal and therefore not ‘evidence.’
It is the old, old story yet again – men never lie, men are right and women are always wrong. This old story of excusing, minimalising and justifying men’s violence against women works very well when male rapists claim ‘but she didn’t say no,’ or when the male partner is charged with murdering his female or ex-female partner. Likewise, when men deliberately murder the ex-female partner and her children, after which they then commit suicide, it is excused and justified because the ‘poor man’ was under such stress/depression etc etc.
A man’s word is always true whereas a woman’s is always a lie – so says patriarchy.
No amount of evidence which has been carefully conducted and scrutinised for correct methodology will convince the pro-porners, MRAS and anti-feminists because central is the fact we are challenging men’s pseudo right and entitlement to commit sexual, physical and pyschological violence against women in whatever shape or form they wish. That is why feminism is vital and why it is perceived as threatening to male supremacy. It doesn’t matter that feminists do not form the majority because any opposition no matter how small is perceived as threatening to those men who believe their male sex automatically makes them superior to women.
So it continues.
Comment by JENNIFER DREW — May 7, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
Thanks this wonderful and very poetical post.
I am always made exhausted by the constant demand that women who have been damaged by porn should “prove” the harm.
There will never be proof for those who refuse to see, hear and know the massive damage that porn does.
There is the words of women from refuges saying that their male partners have been users of porn and demands sexual and physical acts that “copy” porn scenarios. This includes rape, anal sex, S/M, battering and general degradation.
There is the reports of teenage boys doing gang-rapes usually re-enacting porn scenarios.
There is the sexual, mental and physical violence done prostituted women and girls. This is done by johns making prostituted women and girls into their porn fantasies. Every sadistic porn fantasy in put into the bodies of prostituted women and girls.
These are a few examples, but of course to dismiss them as anecdotal is nice and simple. However large the mass of women and girls are raped, beaten and even murdered in the name of porn, it will always be disbelieved, for men’s orgasms are more important.
Comment by rmott62 — May 8, 2009 @ 8:26 am
Wonderful post, Laurelin. Spot on.
Comment by buggle — May 11, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
What polly said.
Comment by Amy's Brain Today — May 12, 2009 @ 8:30 pm
I would like to offer porn apologists a little proof from a perspective they don’t always consider. I am living proof of the harms of porn. I am a heterosexual female and it was around 3 years ago that I was able to identify and explain the pain I have suffered, through feminism I was able to apply theory and understanding to my pain. Every single relationship I have had has included porn. It begins with confusion. I often challenged the porn, only to be put back in my place by some, and for it to continue in secret with others. I turned to my friends for help. I was made to feel like I was the one with the problem. This went on for years. I knew it was wrong. I was alone. Why did it keep happening? Why did no-one sympathise with my pain? It was a problem. I was not the one with the problem, surely this can’t be right. I performed porn acts, sometimes under persuasion, sometimes because I thought that was the only way I could keep the man. Sad I know. I think of the degredation I put myself through, to live up to the stereotype that I was made to believe they wanted. And they confirmed that for me. They told me the sex kept them there, the fact that I was ‘dirtier than some’. I had learned it through porn, watching, trying to understand it, trying to understand men’s needs. I now know that porn in a relationship is a form of abuse. Through all those relationships, I experienced abuse. Perhaps not ‘rape’ as we know it, perhaps not domestic violence, but it cannot be belittled. I now see nothing good in porn. I see exactly how it shapes men’s sexualities, they have been shaped and moulded. They each vary off the path slightly, but their needs are basically porn driven. I know of young girls, school age, feeling under pressure from boyfriends to have anal sex, to be filmed, etc etc. This is because of porn. I can see no excuse for porn. The affects have tainted me, I cannot undo what I know and what I have done. It will last forever. It ruined me, and it ruins others.
Comment by straw bail — May 15, 2009 @ 11:07 pm
Thank you for telling your story, straw bail. I think there are many other women who have an idea of where you have been. Much love to you, and sorry I didn’t comment sooner.
Comment by Laurelin — June 10, 2009 @ 8:53 am
What really bugs me is that there is scientific research indicating that sexualized media content is harmful, even when it’s mainstream rather than porn, even when it isn’t violent, and it’s been found to be more harmful than media violence. The deniers have made up their minds – don’t confuse them with facts.
Comment by Anemone — August 16, 2009 @ 6:17 pm
Great post. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Sue — October 13, 2009 @ 5:13 pm