DISCLAIMER: if you are not guilty of any of the things I condemn in the following rant then I’m not accusing you. So save the personal offense for when I actually intend to accuse you of something. Ta. If your immediate response to my words is defensiveness, you might want to consider why that is.
….because sometimes there is simply too much to wade into. i plan a happier post with ducks.
back to the cryptic- i am constantly disgusted (not surprised, note the difference) by the hatred spat at us feminists by some of our supposed male ‘allies’. posts full of vile language, insults, hysteria and slurs aimed at women who do not agree with them. reasoned argument is reduced to ‘fuck you’ and whines of ‘why won’t you let me play? just because i’m an abusive asshole!’ these guys would not know feminism 101 if it came up to them, kicked them where it hurts and said ‘hey, moron, don’t be a bastard to women’.
of course the response will always be ’so i can’t criticise you because you’re a woman? that’s so misandric’. do i need to point out why this is disingenuous? oh let me count the ways…
1) abuse does not constitute an argument, and your sexism is blatant in the language you use
2) there are things men have no right to comment upon in a feminist discussion, so shut up and listen, even if it hurts you or you don’t like it
3) we’ve heard your dumbass abuse before. originality just isn’t one of your virtues
4) men using language to intimidate and humiliate women online? it’s misogyny, darlings. it doesn’t matter if you think you’re doing it for the greater female good, or for your own pathetic movement. whether your target is a feminist woman or a right wing woman or any other woman, it’s still misogyny.
5) pretending you find radical feminists’ arguments ‘funny’ in order to show your contempt is just as nasty as calling us all bitches, or whatever. if you can’t be civil, shut your mouth.
this post is very unplanned, and now i’m really not sure who it is even aimed at! i mean if i’m talking to the misogynists, it’s pretty pointless because it’s not like they’re reading here, or that even if they did that they would change their behaviour. and the women who are experiencing this crap already know everything i have said- it’s not exactly a damned revelation. i suppose it is the result of spending the last week or so trying not to lose my temper in the blogosphere (and not always succeeding, as no doubt my friends will have noticed).
so i suppose this is just my anger at what i see time and time again, what i am completely sick of, exhausted by and demoralised by. it is my frustration at the absolute refusal of these men to look at what they are saying and doing, their assumption that their twopence is always welcome and appropriate… in short, their insufferable self-importance.
i admit this post is passive-aggressive, so don’t bother pointing it out.
i’d like the opinions of my sisters on this… i feel as if i’m winding myself up into an angry little gordian knot with all this, like i’m going crazy…
Ooh I do ‘passive-aggressive’ quite well, or so I’ve been told. Why I’m supposed to give a damn about this observation, I’m not sure.
I don’t know who you’re referring to specifically, but I definitely identify with your sentiments. I’m just getting on with blogging about the things that matter, and ignoring “them”. It’s been a shit week or so – have a hug. xx
Comment by Debs — March 23, 2008 @ 9:19 pm
It’s funny, you know – the men who really are feminist allies mostly *do* actually shut up and listen.
But I know the type of “feminist ally” male commenter you’re talking about – pig ignorant, self important, porn using abusers who care not one genuine whit for female liberation but are more immediately concerned with not having to change their habits of a lifetime. They think they appear so clever but the reality is they can’t see further than the ends of their noses and couldn’t conduct a reasoned argument with a five year old. All this is evident in their so-called “criticism” (read: abuse) of feminists – radical feminists in particular – who challenge their entitlement and displays their massive ignorance, laziness and misogyny. Personally, I tend not to take them seriously at all and I tend to skip any of their comments if I see them anywhere. If they comment on any post of mine I’ll sometimes let it through just to show them up
Don’t be despondant L – and you are most certainly not going crazy! Just don’t expect anything more from the morons because they’re so far up their own bottoms they can no longer see daylight. They’re not going to change – they’ll just get left behind.
Comment by witchy-woo — March 23, 2008 @ 10:04 pm
Don’t have anything to say currently, but wishing to lend my support and thanks to you
Comment by L.M. — March 24, 2008 @ 4:07 am
I avoid reading and commenting on posts where men are commenting but when I do, I usually don’t read what men have written – I already know that they won’t have anything to contribute.
I think it’s good that men flaunt their sexism. What is not so good is when women fail to see that there is nothing extraordinary about a man being sexist – he has simply stopped trying to hide it. When men flaunt their sexism it should serve as a lesson on what all men will do when challenged.
Comment by Arantxa — March 24, 2008 @ 11:25 am
Laurelin, you pre-emptively posted this just hours before the classic misogo-rant by JerkOff. Textbook.
Of course he is bestest buds with the pro-pawny crowd. Kind of makes one ‘wonder’ if the pro-pawny position upholds teh patriarchy? Of course it does.
Comment by stormy — March 24, 2008 @ 11:26 am
Delayed reaction warning-
“the men who really are feminist allies mostly *do* actually shut up and listen.”
Yeah, most real feminist allies seem to have little interest in butting in on intra-feminist conflict because they’re uncomfortable with attacking feminist women.
Comment by L.M. — March 24, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
Thanks everyone
Sometimes I get into that ‘is it just me?’ mindset- which is exactly the point of patriarchy. Have us all divided into our own little worlds, thinking that it’s not the world that’s the problem, but that it’s us.
I’m feeling the love! xxx
Comment by Laurelin — March 24, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
Yeah, it’s annoying as hell, Laurelin but as this is the *Women’s* Movement and not the Suck Up To Men Movement those misogynistic jerks can fuck right off. All they are doing is reminding us why we need feminism and strengthening our resolve, so thanks chaps!
Comment by delphyne — March 24, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
The trollmenz, yes, shutting up the women is their mission in life. meh
Comment by thebewilderness — March 25, 2008 @ 5:36 am
i know – sad that the level of ‘debate’ for some is to try to shut people up. now even though validation from me or anyone else doesn’t seem to be what you’re after, i thought i’d say i find what you write cogent and truthful.
i guess some of the time you just have to retreat to the people you know will talk sense to you and emerge ready to deal with more crap later.
Comment by simply wondered — March 25, 2008 @ 5:51 pm
ooooOO this is *cryptic*!
I mean, NO names pop up in my small twinkle brain whenever I opine on just who could be categorized as a misogynist-male-feminist-identiLYING “ally.”
At least a first letter of the name Laurelin–throw us a bone!
Comment by pisaquaririse — March 29, 2008 @ 11:11 pm
Oh, it’s definitely not just you, Laurelin.
Seeing it said by someone else is rather validating
I try to avoid reading blogs where I *know* this stuff is everywhere, but sometimes they will drag it into ’safer’ spaces (and sometimes it’s just fun prodding the trolls to greater and greater heights of stupidity – the dismaying part is that most of them believe they’re for real).
Comment by Sophie — March 30, 2008 @ 10:24 am
This is an amazing and nicely angry blog entry, Laurelin. I love it!
I did notice amny times that abusive gender-specific terms clearly show the undeniable misogyny of the patriarchists.
Supposed male “allies” who use sexist language and refuse to seriously listen to us and what we have to say, are clearly not our pro-feminist allies.
Don’t worry about losing your temper in the blogosphere. It’s alright to be very angry sometimes, especially when you notice the deeply entrenched misogyny of our culture!
Comment by Maggie Hays — March 31, 2008 @ 1:54 am
Sorry, I wrote “amny times”, I meant “many times”.
Comment by Maggie Hays — March 31, 2008 @ 1:55 am
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