Occasionally (actually make that ‘all the damn time’), we rad fems find ourselves visited by Ambassadors from Planet Patriarchia, who speak in a language that is hard to understand, mostly because it’s less of a language and more of a code consisting of standard statements and arrogant presumptions. But never fear, for I am here with my dictionary of Commonly Used Phrases of Patriarchal Lackeys. These phrases are found variously in patriarchal literature, common conversation, newspapers, TV programmes, blog comments and shouted slogans when you’re minding your own frickin’ business.
- Patriarchy: ‘He loved women’
- Translation: ‘He fucked a lot of women’
- Patriarchy: ‘You’re a feminazi/ bitch/ dyke/ delusional woman/ whore/ desperate for a fuck’
- Translation: ‘I am threatened by your argument and am scared of you and it’
- Patriarchy: ‘Smile, love!’
- Translation: ‘Why are you not deferential to my masculinity?’
- Patriarchy: ‘I’m not being racist/ sexist/ hetrosexist/ agist, but…’
- Translation: ‘I’m about to say something racist/ sexist/ hetrosexist/ agist and I don’t want to be called on it’
- Patriarchy: ‘feminists are humourless’
- Translation: ‘feminists don’t laugh at my jokes about rape and violence’
- Patriarchy: ‘you’re delusional’
- Translation: ‘I can’t attack your argument, so I’ll have to attack you’
- Patriarchy: ‘if we didn’t have prostitution/ pornography there’d be more rape’
- Translation: ‘if we don’t get exactly what we want, you’ll pay for it’
- Patriarchy: ‘you’re too emotional’
- Translation: ‘this issue only hurts women, so why get upset?’
- Patriarchy: ‘it’s natural’
- Translation: ‘if I say it enough times, that makes it true!’
OT: anyone know how to make proper gaps between lines on WordPress? It’s come out uneven here, and it’s annoying! Anyone know any relevant codes so I can even it up? Thanks!
Too true.
I’m still thrown that every time you hear one of these statements, the guy making it think it’s original. They’re obviously unaware of how similar and predictable they are.
Comment by Andrea — February 21, 2006 @ 12:31 pm
Not sure what you mean by uneven gaps. Your post looks fine to me, except the extra space before the last two points. Is that what you mean? Web browsers automatically insert a gap when you start a new paragraph. It looks you you’ve got an extra paragraph gap there. You should be able to go and just delete it. (If you want to start a new line without starting a new paragraph, you can use shift-enter, or in html, “”.)
Comment by Joida — February 21, 2006 @ 1:02 pm
oops… in html, it’s “br /” surrounded by these triangular brackets “”
Comment by Joida — February 21, 2006 @ 1:04 pm
So true – and hilariously put
)
Comment by tp — February 21, 2006 @ 1:09 pm
LOL I love this checklist, but I’m going to add one more to it –
“You hate men” – “I’m important and special and if you don’t qualify everything you say by telling me ‘I mean all men but YOU’ then I shall assume that you hate ALL men because I fall into that category and my views are the views of ALL men”
Or something like that, I just got up and I’m still foggy.
Comment by bitingbeaver & Dim — February 21, 2006 @ 2:07 pm
Hey, how in the heck did that happen? The above comment was made by BB, NOT BB and dim. *grin*
Comment by bitingbeaver — February 21, 2006 @ 2:08 pm
Here’s my recent fave, paraphrased: “Gee, golly whiz, what’s wrong with labioplasty.
Translation: “Fix that ugly pussy and it better be tight.”
Comment by Kaka Mak — February 21, 2006 @ 4:17 pm
These are great! I like this one best:
Patriarchy: ‘Smile, love!’
Translation: ‘Why are you not deferential to my masculinity?’
Comment by msviolet — February 21, 2006 @ 4:53 pm
I HATE getting ’smile, love’. It actually encourages me to violence.
Comment by Andrea — February 21, 2006 @ 5:34 pm
Awesome! Now I won’t have to explain, I’ll just refer people here.
Comment by Burrow — February 21, 2006 @ 7:38 pm
Laurelin> I had that problem, and when i took a look at the HTML there were some extra bits in there. Might be the same with yours…
Comment by Andrea — February 21, 2006 @ 9:08 pm
But then again, the feminist might actually be humorless.
Comment by Richard — February 22, 2006 @ 5:10 am
Ah, thanks Andrea! The html thingy has fixed it. I’m getting the hang of this… slowly. lol
Comment by laurelin — February 22, 2006 @ 8:26 am
Well I can’t speak for anyone else, but I certainly find you laughable, Richard.
Laurelin> It’s all new and different, isn’t it? But I’m having lots of fun with it, especially the ability to alter troll comments *nudge, nudge, wink wink*
Comment by Andrea — February 22, 2006 @ 12:15 pm
Grrr the ’smile, love’ gets me everytime.
How about: ‘It’s female empowerment in a post-feminist world’ = ‘Sucked in, ho!’
Comment by laura — February 22, 2006 @ 3:50 pm
[...] Laurelin in the Rain offers a “dictionary of Commonly Used Phrases of Patriarchal Lackeys.” [...]
Pingback by Feminist Law Professors » Blog Archive » The Patriarchy Phrase Book — February 22, 2006 @ 4:38 pm
Excellent post. It’s hard to make those hateful comments funny, but you did.
Comment by spotted elephant — February 22, 2006 @ 6:52 pm
Lauren, did you do anything special to get your blogroll to alphabetize. I cannot get our new WordPress blogroll to do anything except randomly order itself!
(PS Apologies for taking so long to update the link to your new place.)
Comment by Emma — February 25, 2006 @ 1:14 pm
Emma: If you go to the dashboard, then click on ‘Links’ on the bar at the top, then you see all your links in a big list. At the top of the list is a drop-down menu saying ‘order by’- choose ‘name’ and then click ’show’. I think that’s how I did it here anyway
Comment by laurelin — February 25, 2006 @ 8:38 pm
Thanks, Laurelin.
Sadly that doesn’t work for us! I think there’s some conflict between the theme we chose and the alphabetical ordering. I tried messing with the PHP but it all got a bit messy, so I’ve gone back to blogroll!
Comment by Emma — February 26, 2006 @ 12:03 am
“Smile love” always makes me want to slap the offender. Where do men get off spouting this crap?
This is so true:
Patriarchy: ‘it’s natural’
Translation: ‘if I say it enough times, that makes it true!’
AND IF I SAY IT LOUD ENOUGH IT MAKES IT EXTRA TRUE!
Comment by deviousdiva — February 26, 2006 @ 3:47 pm
Hi Laurelin – just wanted to say thank you for the comment you left at my blog. I am glad you enjoy what I have to say, and trust me, the feeling is mutual! What I love most about the blog world is that even though those of us who have similar opinions may live far away, at least we can read each other’s words and find strength and encouragement on a daily basis. So, thank you for being one of those voices!
Comment by lelyons — February 26, 2006 @ 6:59 pm
[...] Bob Carlton sent me this Patriarchy-to-English phrase book. The one I’ve most often experienced is: [...]
Pingback by notes from a truth-seeker » Funny Link From Feminists and Friends — February 27, 2006 @ 10:16 pm
‘Smile Love!’
Ooh, them’s fightin’ words!
Great list. Great blog, too. :B)
Comment by alyx — March 3, 2006 @ 1:29 am
Oh god I am so dumb. I realise now.
Original abusive comment edited by Laurelin.
Comment by Lemon Juice — May 23, 2006 @ 6:27 pm
my penis is quite tiny
Original stupid comment edited by Laurelin.
Comment by love child of... oh nevermind — May 23, 2006 @ 8:12 pm
If people are saying things like this around you, I think the problem is not so much a “systematic patriarchy” as “plain old rudeness”; if I were you, I wouldn’t be quick to generalise the intentions of all men from a few loud and obnoxious ones.
Comment by rolloffle — May 23, 2006 @ 9:59 pm
I'm a dipshit who thinks he's funny.
Original idiotic comment edited by Laurelin.
Comment by lawl — May 24, 2006 @ 4:02 am
Great dictionary))
Comment by Joy — June 4, 2006 @ 11:48 am
This place may have one or two you haven’t heard. They’re on the subtle side.
http://creativedestruction.wordpress.com/2006/12/31/a-vocabulary-for-feminist-criticism/
Nice blog, Laurelin. Bookmarked!
Comment by Johanna — January 15, 2007 @ 8:34 am
[...] Laurelin in the Rain (2006-02-21): The Patriarchy Phrasebook: Occasionally (actually make that all the damn time), we rad fems find ourselves visited by Ambassadors from Planet Patriarchia, who speak in a language that is hard to understand, mostly because it’s less of a language and more of a code consisting of standard statements and arrogant presumptions. But never fear, for I am here with my dictionary of Commonly Used Phrases of Patriarchal Lackeys. These phrases are found variously in patriarchal literature, common conversation, newspapers, TV programmes, blog comments and shouted slogans when you’re minding your own frickin’ business. Read the whole thing. [...]
Pingback by Rad Geek People’s Daily / Fat Tuesday Lazy Linking — March 9, 2007 @ 1:43 am
[...] at the very last minute because it’s brilliant, we have The Patriarchy Phrasebook from Laurelin. Section 2: The issues that [...]
Pingback by The Ninth Carnival of Feminists « Mind the Gap — November 1, 2007 @ 12:37 pm